2nd XI Match Report - Away to Albury

After more team selection in-an-outs than the annual boat race, we arrived at Albury a man short. Albury sure is gorgeous but hard to find, and having won the toss and inserted Albury, at 1pm, we had 7 men in the field, with one conducting religious duties and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang arriving with Mark and Progress half an hour late. Progress explained that Mark prefers just to use first and second gear as that’s all his licence allows. Simon seemed pumped and gave a team talk about revenge and stamping on somebody’s throat. Or something. Sulaiman looked inspired whilst Dylan seemed pretty unemotional. Nerves of steel that guy. Don’t play poker with him.

So, the Campbell twins opened up, and Dylan soon made the breakthrough, having the opener caught off a tickle down the leg-side. The batsman walked. Kudos to him as I’m not sure the umpire would’ve given it. Kyle bowled well with no reward and anxious looks were exchanged as the Albury number 3 looked like a proper cricketer.

Bowling changes next, as Sulaiman replaced Dylan and Progress took over from Kyle. Sulaiman immediately looked a handful but was a little wild. Progress on the other hand, was made to look a little pedestrian as he was smashed into the nettles for a huge six. Captain and v/c exchanged worried looks. Progress kept his nerve, kept the ball straight, and kept surprising everyone as the batsman swished and missed. Clean bowled! Progress you hero. That guy was good.

Number 4 did not look quite as good. Skipper whispers to Sulaiman: “just relax, mate. Bowl it straight and you will get your man!”. This translates in Suliaman’s head into: “hey, man, just chill out and bowl the world’s most comedic slower ball of all time”, which he duly did. Suliaman let go of the first delivery of the over. Hanif went off for another pray; Darren checked his emails; John selected Thursdays u14’s team; Dylan put more rubber bands on his glasses; then the ball arrived with the batsman. He was laughing so much that he missed it and there was barely enough momentum as the bail just tipped off the stump.

Two wickets down and in comes Albury’s most dangerous batsman, according to the umpire. From the ridiculous to the sublime for Suli, as he produces the most unplayable ball of the season so far. Inswinging fast Yorker that took out middle stump. Suli is on a hattrick and wants everyone attacking, please. Fine. Let’s do it. And what a hat trick ball. Full, straight and an outside edge. It flies fast to Simon at first slip, but at an awkward height. Simon parries it and Progress flails at the rebound, but to no effect. Suli is cruelly denied. Still smiling though.

After that, the wickets continue to fall. Hanif produced a mean spell and enticed James-the-big-left-hander to waft at one outside off-stump which was pouched by the skipper in second slip; Mark spotted a teenager wandering from the crease and smartly stumped him.

John produced both the most amazing catch and the simplest drop all in one moment when his courage deserted him and he stuck out a foot rather than attempt a diving catch. The ball spooned up off his foot, straight into his hands, but he then somehow dropped it. Despite the umpire raising his finger, and Suli proclaiming unilaterally that it was “good enough”, we all realised that the batsman was not out.

As we got into the younger players, resistance faded, and with a nine-year-old batting and Kyle due to return for a spell, Simon grabbed the ball in the way Ian Botham used to, and promptly peppered the young kid at full speed till he trod on his stumps to avoid the torture.

87 all out and great bowling by everyone. Poor Kyle finished the only bowler to be wicket-less - very unjust on the lad who set the standard from the start. Darren took two catches and the v/c congratulated everyone on a job well done.

No sign of our eleventh man yet and we took an early tea with Albury 87 all out.

Out went Jim and Simon to open the batting, and all was going well. Jim was his usual swashbuckling self, cutting, pulling, driving and generally entertaining the crowd, whilst poor Mr Marus was scratching around at the other end.

Finally, with the score on 54, and with Simon just having been dropped, Jim played one cut shot too many, and square point took a good catch to end Jim’s match winning innings. Never mind. In came Mark. The captain was slightly nervous as there was only Darren, John, Suli, Progress, Dylan, Kyle and Hanif still to bat.

Ah, the sweet relief as SNCC’s very own Tendulkar arrived in the form of Billy. The captain tried to sneak him into the pavilion as he was VERY late, only for John to announce the arrival like Meghan Markle arriving at the altar, with a booming “hello Billy!” that echoed through the Surrey Weald.

Get your pads on Billy. You’re taking John’s place at 5.

Meanwhile, Simon continued to take apart Albury’s bowling. Mark played and amazing straight drive that sailed straight back over... no, wait, it’s bowled him.

Darren came to the crease, but really it was just to see Simon do his stuff. A little tickle to leg-side and it was all over. Simon finished with an amazing 72no from a team total of 88, made all the more impressive as the pitch was very unpredictable and he took a nasty blow to the shoulder off JTBLH.

Much fun was had on a warm and sunny day and the bandwagon returns home next week, where we play the league newcomers, Cranleigh.