The long(!) awaited match report - Ockley 1st XI v SNCC 2nd XI

2 square ups, an Einstein doppelgänger, a player scoring 149, and having the honour of being in the company of an opposition player who reassured us numerous times that he ’usually plays a far higher standard of cricket than this’.

Facing Ockley at home looked on paper a 30 pointer, having failed to show for 2 out of 4 of their games this season some were perhaps hoping for a win by default. However, unlike other teams in the league they were to make us work for our points, and that they did.

The opposition had a mixture of players, most notably, Lol Figg, surprisingly absent of his ‘Lol Figg Painter & Decorator’ van. Overall they seemed a decent bunch of lads, despite one or two who proved the opposite.

The match kicked off with Jim winning the toss and electing that we’d bat first.

Simon & Jim opened up the batting, Simon took the honours to face the first ball, unfortunately Ockley appeared to be more useful than one would have thought, with a youngster known by Play Cricket as ‘Dunno’ bowling a surprisingly good ball, only to be caught by ‘Unsure’ (again, thanks Play Cricket.)

Fazzy was next in, replacing the departing Simon reportedly contemplating retirement, whilst already planning a half-time team talk. Fazzy played no differently than expected, smashing a few fours around before Paulett was caught by Unsure again.

Matt Wright then took to the crease, with four innings under his belt it was time for a big innings, beginning to look confident he was running the odd 1 or 2, until he was caught cheaply by Unsure.

Mark Pereira replaced Matt, Mark was lucky not to get caught once or twice with a couple of drops. Batting well Fazzy and him we’re building what seemed like a solid partnership, until Mark was then caught on 11 having put away a coupe of 4’s and 1 or 2 singles!

Not many people get to choose their batting position but Sulaiman had assured the skipper that number 6 was definitely his best batting spot. Curious (or maybe curiously) Jim agreed. Maybe it was the pressure of expectation or maybe he just got unlucky, but Sulaiman made only 4 runs before being bowled.

Jordan who’d been out of the game for 2 years was next in. Reassured by some positive coaching and guidance on the sidelines by Matt Wright before going in and then backed up by Fazzy who also suggested to “take your time” Jordan looked to play himself in, knocking about 1 or 2 singles only to realise that this actually involved a lot of running (especially when Fazzy is at the other end) with the benefit of a couple of 4’s it made an innings with Fazzy breathable. Fazzy was building a score here though; 50, 60, 70 all the time Jordan was on 2, 5, and 8 respectively, but “holding down one end” was definitely as important as being able to ping around 4’s & 6’s, or so he kept telling himself. The ton was up for Fazzy and now he was eyeing up a high score, with a few more 6’s he built up to a score of 149 before being bowled.

Billy was next in to bat, replacing Fazzy, with 6 overs left now it was important not to allow Ockley to earn their maximum bowling points! Billy’s comparative pace of running to Fazzy was welcomed, there’d be no 3’s. Still keeping a run rate of around 4 or 5 an over, the two of them built up a score, surpassing the 200 mark and onwards to a final total of 287.

Fazzy had batted tremendously, huge thanks was also owed to their keeper who definitely earnt us the odd bye (28 to be precise).

After a really good tea, SNCC were to attempt to skittle what was perceived to be a fairly weak Ockley batting unit, except, of course, the individual who had told everyone ‘he plays a far higher standard of cricket than this’.

Simon had had a while now to think of his team talk, and he delivered it well, captivating the confident SNCC team - more of the same in future weeks please.

Jim had decided that he’d open up with Hanif & Sulaiman. Hanif took the first over, bowling well with some quick bowling which was clearly asking a lot of questions of the Ockley batting attack. The other end saw Sulaiman deliver some Worldies, with some appeals to match - very intense! Sulaiman’s wicket came in his third over, bowled, the stump almost came out of the ground. In came the very vocal youngster from earlier who’d been chirping away during the innings of Jim & Simon. Both Hanif & Sulaiman continued to threaten but no more wickets were delivered. The captain turned to his vice to deliver the killer blow on what seemed to be a useful bat. Simon came in to the bowling attack. Unfortunately it appeared that the batsman would be as chirpy batting as he was in the field. After a few choice words where references to the bats gut was a highlight the two met in the middle, Simon suggesting in the team talk that we would ‘not be taking a backward step’ was now becoming a reality. The entertainment was over as the umpire started to get involved. Boring. The two captains both had a word, and it all settled down, until Simon bowled and Mark caught behind. Simon promptly and firmly telling the bat to return to the dressing room rounded off an interesting duel. ‘I usually play a higher standard of cricket than this’ was in next.

Jim then turned to Jordan, requesting he replace Sulaiman. Big shoes to fill after that recent wicket. Stepping up to the bowling, Jordan bowled his first three balls terribly, throwing them half way down the wicket, dragging them down off, and whilst not being the first to have considered retirement from the game in an afternoon, was contemplating playing the card of “I’ll be a batsman this year”. However, the end of the first over saw better balls, the line and length was nearly considered ‘good’, I’m sure no doubt Mr Mills would’ve had one or two or five comments to make.

Both Jordan and Simon continued to bowl the next 4 overs, Simon having far more of an impact than Jordan who’d rather forget about the whole ordeal, go away and learn to bowl again. Simon followed up his wicket of the larger than life character with another one caught behind down the leg side by Mark. It was hat trick time now, all fielders came in, calls from some members of the field to potentially install 4 leg slips were snubbed by the skipper, the atmosphere was tense as we willed ‘the voice’ to get the hat trick he deserved, alas he bowled the ball only to have it dead batted, yawn as Ockley bored us again.

BDB came in to the attack, replacing Jordan and showing the team what flight and guile was all about. BDB was bowling well, despite dropping the odd one or two down leg, with a catch coming from Billy at mid on and a celebration that saw an emotional embrace of the pairs stomachs, he collected the vital wicket of ‘I usually play a higher standard of cricket than this’ who had in every point in the day proved that the Surrey Downs League probably is his standard of cricket and was inept in appreciating his own ability (or lack of it...)

Simon was then replaced, and with figures of 6 overs, 9 runs and 3 wickets had quite literally bossed his spell. It was time for Robin Paulett to step up, a first over of 5 runs was a good start, the second over however was even better. The batsman attempted to attack the ball, but with the aggressive bowling failed to, even bowling out of the back of the hand on occasions, Robin was showing he wasn’t to be messed with. The wicket ball came, the batsman attempt to hit big, but instead directed it in to the hands of his TA BDB. Top catch.

Billy Saunders then came in to the attack. Billy was bowling strongly, his first two overs demonstrating he could bowl as well as he could bat. The third over was when the magic happened, a ball bowled on a perfect line saw the batsman plumb. After appeals from everyone on the pitch (even some at square leg?) the umpire concurred and gave it! The bat walked off and in came a rather withered looking bloke. Ockley were to prove that there’s sometimes more than one FIGJAM in a team. Billy bowled his first ball at him, and the chirping began. Billy, not one to back down, responded, bowling a couple more dot balls, but for Billy actions had to be followed up with one or two words “shut your mouth” he said as he strolled down the wicket, only to then end up squaring up with the bloke. Again, the umpires got involved before any punches were landed, yawn, another disappointment for the crowd. Billy finished off the over without getting his man out. The next over proved more fruitful - a good ball saw the bat clean bowled, fireworks were expected given the entertainment that had previously taken place, but no, the bat shook Billy’s hand and walked off. A happy ending.

Billy’s third and final wicket saw another catch. The final defence of Ockley now were in, with Lol Figg and another older fella at the crease.

With only 5 overs left it was getting cagey. Defensive batting on Ockleys part was starting to worry us that we might not get the full bowling points. The skip brought himself on, remarks of “he can bowl!” were heard, and he proved that the last resort that he’d positioned himself as was unwarranted, a good spell, no wickets but solid. Fazzy was then brought in to the attack, the man proved that he could boss the game with the ball as well as he could with the bat, clean bowling the final batsman, and seeing South claim full points.

All players shook hands and we went home. The end.