SNCC 2nd XI v Oakwood Hill

It was a game to remember for one ‘special’ individual and a game that closely resembles one of south Nutfields 2nd XI most historic and classical wins against old Woking just the week before.

With estimated highs of 34 degrees the mostly unchanged 2’s side was muy confidento en el... oh wait billy wasn’t selected? ok English it is. The 2’s were confident in the well balanced team structure despite the recently consistent let down Kyle ‘guess which foot it is this week’ Campbell, who threw in the towel the day of the game leaving it up to 12th man Robin ‘the permanent team bitch’ Paulett. We began to arrive by the masses and start the usual pre-game complaints at the inadequacy of the oppositions ground and facilities with the standout chirps being ‘it looks like the cows just finished grazing’ and countless hurtful and uncivil remarks about the most vertically challenged teammate and how they had the inability to see the summit from base camp on the shortest side of the ground... sorry for that Damo. Even Jim was afraid jack got word I was umpire and may or may not have PayPaled me a prearranged fixed rate with 0% interest rates or excess charges based on external factors just to give him out.

Anyway, the toss was won and what we thought to be the correlated decision to bat on a hot day was ignored by the clubs most liked 2’s captain EVER! ‘I’m available next week Chucky by the way’. This left Dave in disbelief as him and his fashionably late crew arrived just in time.

It was Will ‘the short ball enthusiast’ Jones and Micheal ‘I don’t even like bowling’ Gibbens to open and apply some early pressure to the rather old opening bats. Although Gibbo struggled to please the strict umpire and had some close decisions turned down he shined in the second half of his spell and finished with figures of 0/28 off 5. The barrage of short balls from wills was clearly working as they couldn’t get it away until the first break threw came when wills clean bowled there number 2. However this proved costly as a young 7ft 8” gun came in to punish anything too short or too full he proceeded to take apart 1st change bowler Dylan ‘I never liked bowling anyway’ Campbell as he finished wicketless in his 5 overs going for 31. until the lanky giraffe was faced with Dave ‘the body temperature regulation long sleeved shirt AKA thermal wearer’ Bowen bowled the worst ball he’s ever bow-... worst ball in his spell and somehow got the most valuable wicket. He was dismissed by a high full toss (to a normal sized batsman) but to him a perfectly legal delivery which was caught by arguably the safest hands on the pitch however the batsmen remained clearly disconsolate at the fact that it was a fair delivery. This enraged Damien ‘Mike Tyson ain’t got nothin’ on my ginger chin’ Hutchinson who simply told him to ‘jog on’ (in family friendly terminology). Dave then finished his spell with fine figures of 1/26 off 8 overs. Next to bowl was Robin ‘I agree with Dylan and Gibbo, bowling’s overrated’ Paulett and Damien ‘the off spinning Shane Warne’ Hutchinson. The batsmen seemed to take a liking to Robin as he went for 27 in his 4 overs although he did pick up a key wicket to break the growing partnership. Sadly damo’s figures do not accurately represent his bowling quality on a wicket that turned the ball sideways as he remained wicketless in his 5 overs going for only 26. And last but not least with a standout bowling performance from Prasad ‘I’ll give you £5 if you can pronounce my name correctly’ Singaraju bowling an excellent spell in the death and finishing with figures of 5/22 off 6 overs. Wills also came on in the end to bowl the final 2 overs and finished with 1/36 of 7.

So at the end of the fielding innings South Nutfield were looking highly fatigued and probably regretting fielding first but they knew Oakwood Hills 203-8 off there 40 overs was below par for our batting line up.

SNCC need 204

It was Jim ‘I’m now bribing the umpire to not give me out’ Paulett and Tim ‘stuck in the 30’s‘ Bongers to open SNCC’s batting innings and they got off to a good start with one of there openers only bowling a 1 over spell. But it seems to be an effective change for Oakwood Hill as they pick up their first wicket of Jim for 14 caught by a specialist fielder by the name of ‘unsure’ who proved to be quite troublesome for our batters, Not to worry though, in came Damien ‘the secret street fighter’ Hutchinson with the intent to bully the World War II veteran who clearly never forgot his grenade tossing technique. And bully he did as he swatted a 4 straight back passed the bowler, although it wasn’t to last as he copped an absolute Jaffa and was caught behind for 5. In next was Nick ‘I’ll demote myself if I have to’ Driver in at 4 to assure himself a spot in his own team next week. After some elegant stroke play and a couple of boundaries next to depart was Chucky for 13 closely followed by Tim for a well played 27 both caught by unsure. Next to the crease were Matt ‘the returning veteran’ Wright and Prasad ‘how many overs shall I bat this time?’ Singaraju. But unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be as Prasad was caught and bowled by the oh so infamous unsure for 8 also closely followed by Matt for 14 caught by the ball fondling magnet unsure for his 5th catch of there only 6 wickets. This unbelievably talented ball handling expert had South Nutfields batsmen shook as Oakwood hill had us on the ropes as we were 89-6 off 26 overs, but weren’t done yet.

In came Dylan ‘I may look, act, feel, sound and drink like a hormonal 12 year old but I can hit balls hard’ Campbell joined by Wills ‘the pritt stick’ Jones. These two wasted no time in scampering quick singles and capitalising on the poor fielding. However, the runs came mostly in boundaries as the extreme weather seemed to hinder the batsmen’s ability to call efficiently with Dylan screaming like a Kamikazi pilot in order to over power wills’ Shaun the ‘stuttering’ sheep impersonation. It was becoming increasingly clear to Oakwood Hill that these two were well set and they were beginning to lose hope this was visibly and audibly clear by the excessive use of sighing every time we hit another boundary and when wills gave them a catching chance it was dropped (thankfully it wasn’t hit to unsure). The run rate quickly declined as we edged closer to the total and the absence of breathing in the crowd rose suspicion as it all became clear when Oakwood Hill conceded the dumbest overthrow I’ve ever seen, leading to Dylan ‘Master of jug avoidance’ Campbell’s maiden 50. It was then Wills to knock off the winning runs with flourishing 4’s through the onside and finishing on an unbeaten 43 off 47 and Dylan finishing on 60 off 34 with 52 of the runs coming in boundaries. They both lead the team off the field triumphant from another classic South Nutfield 2’s win.

Credits:

Emma - scored and didn’t let Dylan beat my 66
Dylan - finally got those jugs in.
Wills - starred in the next season of Shaun the sheep
Gibbo and Dave - never recovered from their nasty case of pad rash
Kyle - refunded jack because he never got the opportunity to give Jim out
Damo - training in the art of Brazilian jujitsu
Tim - creates a 4 step plan to get passed the 30’s
Matt - still amazed at his catch behind the stumps
Robin - take up cheerleading classes for next week
Jim - takes dancing lessons to learn how to move his feet like jagger
Chucky - reclassifies as a bowler
Prasad - gets coached by unsure to produce a top class fielding performance next week

The end, Kyle