We were warned that it was going to be very cold on the land known as Caterham School playing fields with its own micro climate of at least 20 degrees colder than the rest of the Tandridge district with its own force 8 easterly wind that should be reported on the shipping forecast.

Jim’s boys rocked to face Caterham in the under 15 cup with the rules of cricket being ripped up to accommodate this hundred nonsense. Why oh why does this wonderful game get complicated further which makes the job of captains, umpires and scorers nigh on impossible. 20 legal balls, 5 over balls, swap after 10, cannot bowl again, 5 in 5 out, only 5 on the legside. Our esteemed manager was unavailable deciding that a few laps of his Lotus around Brands Hatch was preferable to a bout of hyperthermia, having appointed Simon as Acting Manager.

Robin lost the toss and South were duly inserted. Fresh from his success opening against Reigate, Isaac once again opened this time with John Evans who found the conditions much different from his spiritual home of Rorke’s Drift. We got off to a great start scoring off every ball with boundaries thrown in against a decent attack. With the score on 35, John was well caught for a well made 23 off 16.

Freddie joined Isaac and the tempo was maintained before the former called Isaac for a suicidal run and he perished for a well made 16 off 12. Captain Scott Paulett joined Freddie and the runs continued to flow as aggressive South batting punished the bowlers. Caterham have adopted the Australian habit of encouraging the batsmen, sometimes extending their friendliness until the point of delivery. Still, nice of them to point out where our batsmen can make improvements!

Freddie having made 23 off 16 was bowled to leave The expedition at 90 for 3 with 45 balls remaining. Captain Scott himself, having departed the pavilion with the words “I am going to the wicket…I may be some time”, showed us how much time: precisely 20 balls as he timed his innings to perfection, plundering a magnificent 44 and into forced retirement. The innings included a violent assault on Caterham’s unfortunate George with his last 5 balls going for 20 including a huge 6 that just missed the passing iceberg.

At 130 for 5 with 30 balls left we stuttered a little which could be down to the middle and late order bats suffering from frostbite. Ben and Coxy chipped in and South explorers ended with a fairly daunting 145 off their allotted 100. Only in one fixture of the cup so far had a higher total been made.

Caterham, kindly put on snacks at the halfway stage although the boys had to put on their skis to get the other end of the ground miles away. It is fair to say that Caterham were still confident of victory, as evidenced by an overheard conversation that South’s bowling was likely to lend opportunities for scoring and that 145 was very achievable. News of this reached our intrepid young men whose resolve was strengthened by the challenge.

Dilshaan was given the first over and was to deliver to Ethan, Caterham’s main batsman. A ball on a good length was clipped to the leg side with a huge leading edge. With the ball sailing over Ben at mid wicket he ran towards the boundary with his head turned watching the ball and took an unbelievable catch, probably as good as your scribe has seen in watching years of junior cricket. They say catches win matches and this is a perfect example.

South Nutfield’s players politely applauded Ethan’s exit, with plenty of sympathy shown for his golden (diamond?) duck. His partner at the non-striking end, who had been remarkably garrulous whilst keeping wicket, had lost his mate and with it his ability to talk. However, as he had been so forthcoming with encouragement to our batsmen, one or two of the South Nutfield fielders were keen to repay his generosity with a few words of advice back for him.

Dilshaan and Sam bowled beautifully backed up by excellent ground fielding as South turned the screw and by the time the opening batsman retired with a rear-guard 11 off 20, the contest was effectively over. Fielding rules for this competition include the need for certain players inside and outside the ring. A moment of comedy (probably apocryphal) was relayed by one of the fielders who reported seeing the following exchange:
Umpire (JK): “Captain, a word please!”
Robin: “Yes, sir?”
JK: “You must have 5 players outside the ring”
RP: “Do you mean 5 players inside the ring?”
JK: “Don’t get smart with me, son. You have ten fielders, so 5 inside the ring is 5 outside. Same thing. Now sort it out!”
RP: “Of course, sir. Sorry, sir.”
RP (confused): “Er, John?”
JK: “Don’t call me that, call me Sir”
RP: “Sir, the home team haven’t put out any discs to make a ring.”
JK: “Well then, boy, you will have to use your imagination!”

Well bowled Ben, Jidneya, Sam, Jai and with 3 run outs from Coxy, Jai and Freddie (the latter two by direct hits) Caterham were all out for 74. Dilshaan 2 for 12, Sam B 2 for 11, Jai 1 for 9.

As the innings progressed, South’s ground fielding became ragged, with shying at the stumps when a simple underarm would have resulted in a run out and our catching was sloppy, so we have work to do.

Being the first group to conquer the Arctic this season, South now motor into the last 16 of the County Cup which is testament to the hard graft of Coach Harry in the nets and the boys attitude to their task this season.

Special thanks to Simon, Tim, Nick and David for scoring especially given how cold it was and ridiculously complicated the rules for the comp are. As ever, thanks to John K for umpiring and Jeremy K for being a St Bernard and bringing back booze.